No Offense

Let's start off with an offensive post.

Becoming mute is traumatizing, overwhelming and debilitating. What I mean is I live in a speaking world that I no longer belong, and I now have scooted over to deaf world that doesn’t accept me and I don’t belong in. The deaf do not accept or trust many, which is understandable. They have divisions even within themselves (deaf, hard of hearing, blind deaf) so to accept a mute that hears that’s a big NO. And what’s even stranger are the interpreters, they somehow think they are part of the deaf community and are snobs, some. Many deaf don’t like them, I understand that. But they are a group all of themselves, forgetting they are not deaf, it’s a job. This is my opinion, and I'm new to this culture.

But back to becoming mute. I know it’s one of those things unless you live it you can’t understand it. I can’t even understand it and I’m living it. I feel very alone. When it first was happening, my voice would come and go, very frustrating but not life altering. But no voice. I was and still am afraid to go places alone. Not growing up without a voice or deaf I don’t know how to navigate through life and I’m not as confident as I would be. So, for the first few years I never went anywhere alone. Before I ran a business and could no longer. I tried to work from home and still am looking for what works for me. Because I love to work and need to.

A big part of the challenge is communicating. I’ve been learning sign language. My wonderful husband and younger daughter have too. But that’s it they are who I must rely on. It is lonely. You learn who your friends and family are because they stop communicating completely.

People think you are stupid, like your IQ dropped as soon as your voice was lost. One time my husband interpreted something I signed,

and my mom says out of surprise “you’re funny “, that was early on in my voice loss, it stuck with me for longer than it should. I’ve learned there are a lot of things I just don’t need to say. I watch other people put their foot in their mouth and I think I’m glad I can’t.

This video is one of many I have of me first learning sign. I would send clips to a friend or a teacher and ask what it was. I look back and have no idea what I was doing. I'm sure they could have told me anything because I was not making sense. Honestly, I'm new still and don't always make sense.

I mean no offense.